Week 3, and Monday. :D

So far things are still going well in the K.C.

Got the part time job. I will be working mainly Sundays from 7a-5p. And she asked if I could work on Wednesday nights, from 6p-10p. Which means I'll be heading there from the zoo. But hey, $$

Not only that, I'm working on the 4th. 2p-10p, which kinda sucks. Gonna miss fireworks and festivities. But I get time and a half...and I'm still wondering what I'm making an hour. I DID ask them today. And she hadn't figured a set amount out. So I'm hoping, maybe, she'll be kind since I'm happy to work extra hours? We'll see.

Um, what else...just trying to enjoy my time here. I do miss home. But I might miss a few things about K.C. The roommates are cool and I'm enjoying talking, hanging out and getting to know them. It is a whole new world here. But I miss home and all the goings on there. Not too much longer. Can't wait to visit, see my pups! Oh, and my mother and friends of course. Haha.

Anyhow. It is HOT here. Heat index has been making things feel like 105 degrees and more. Yipes. It is hot. And on some days there's no wind. Bah! Where's my Windy City! :D

Alright. I'll try to write more another day but I must get to bed. Another day ahead of me at the zoo. Today was reading fecals. Weee! Let's see what tomorrow brings!

Later guys. HUGS!

End of Week 2

So this week was alright. Assisted on another necropsy at the zoo. Got some of my homework done, which is a gigantic pain. Yes, I have homework. Kinda funny, I get "homework" from the zoo, as well as what school gave me. I have a packet of over 200 questions I need to answer. On top of that, I have weekly reports to complete AND I have to find a case study. Hrmm...I MAY have something, but doubt it. We'll see. It's just, you can't guarantee anything at the zoo. I have to talk to the head veterinarian about doing something with one of the cases, and it's a tender subject for him so he might not allow me to use it, but we'll see. It would be interesting. Not only that, but I have what, about 8 weeks left. So there will be time.

Went out quite a bit this weekend. Friday was "Jazz in the park." Which was kinda smooth jazz. It wasn't BAD, per say...but just, there were funny moments. The "presenters" were trying to get the crowd to respond. They were doing the whole, "How you guys doing out there?" And when the response wasn't as robust as they liked, the woman was like, "It's a mellow crowd out there tonight." WTF? What do you expect? It's FRIGGIN' JAZZ!! Haha. It's not like we were at a rock concert or something!
Then another band came on, the Sax Pack or something. They TALKED for most of their set. And HALF of the talking was getting the "single ladies" to the front of the stage and basically trying to get themselves dates! Cripes! It was crazy. But I got out, and the roommate and I and some friends were just ripping on stuff all night long. So at least we had some entertainment. Haha.

Saturday was the Celtic Fest and Highland Games. That was fun. I was there all day, walking around, looking at the different booths and things. Kissed a genuine Scottish Man. He was so adorable.
Found a new band I'm in love with. Tartanic. I can't stop promoting them/talking about them. They just kicked ass. Tartanic.net if you get a chance. And the good news is they will be performing at the Ren Faire this year. :D August 7 or 8th I believe. Which means I'm making an EXTRA trip back home. Haha.

Today was spent mainly around the house. Craig was working on the kitchen. I just bopped around to music. Then for dinner we went to a Greek fest where I had a Gyro and some Greek Rice. Yum! It was so good. Then back to the house for more work/dipping around.

So I'm waiting to hear a response from this Veterinary clinic out here. I had a "job shadow" on Wednesday and the woman told me I'd hear from her on Thursday. I called and got her voicemail on Friday when I didn't hear from her...and I'm still waiting. So I will probably give her another call tomorrow on my lunch. It would be perfect, in a sense. It'd be weekend hours, which is good. I'm so worn out from the zoo at the end of my day during the week I don't think I'd be able to do anything. But the downside is, that would mean I'd be working 7 days a week. Gulp. But hey, right now money is my motivator. I've been holding off on putting apps and stuff in anywhere else because I would like this job...
Keep fingers crossed for me, ok? Cuz I really don't want to end up working as a cocktail server at the strip joint, but I'm prepared to do that if I have to. Funds are really getting tight. I don't know how much longer I can hold out. Sigh...

Other than that, nothing new and exciting. Apparently I'm missing a family reunion in a few weeks. That sucks. It's so rare for ALL my family to get together as it is, and so for me to not be there...that really blows. Hopefully we will be able to get together when I get back...hopefully.

Anyhow. I'm guess I can call it a night. It's almost eleven and I gotta get up early for the zoo.

Again, keep fingers crossed on the job for me!

Miss my daddy...

Each year I think I'm getting better and better. Maybe because I'm away from home this year, who knows. But I'm really missing my dad this time. Do I go thru this every year? I don't know. But I wonder...wish I could have one more conversation with him. He'd be 55 tomorrow. Still a spring chicken by today's standards.

You never really get over the death of a parent, especially if you think it was before their time. I mean, yes, parents die. People die. It's gonna happen to us all. But to be robbed of that so soon? I think of all these things from the past 14 years. How would they have been different. I know I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again and again. Until the day (hopefully) he and I are reunited and he can tell me for himself.

I'm sure he's proud of me. I'm back in school, I'm doing well. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm not in an abusive relationship (the one I have with myself TOTALLY doesn't count, haha). I really think I've grown a lot this last year. I knew what I had to do for my internship in regards to actually saving money, and I did it. I could have saved more and started saving longer before, but I have had and have kept a savings account for quite awhile now. And yes, it IS dwindling. But I have really cracked down on spending. I know what I need, what I want, and what I really and truly can't live without (food, it's all food). Haha.

I just wonder if I'm following God's plan. And on that note, I'd REALLY like to know what the hell that plan is! Maybe if I knew what I was supposed to be doing that would make it easier on me? :P

I just, I always re-evaluate my life around this time of year. With both his birthday and passing date so close together, it just hits hard. But I guess I would just rather have it once a year than to feel this way twice.

I guess I never really coped with it. I mean, who does/who can? And like I said, maybe because I'm away from home this year. I just, sometimes I wish I had my daddy. Know what I mean? Every girl in some way is still their father's daughter. At least I know I am. God, I miss that man. I just plug along hoping I'm doing him proud and keeping his memory alive. That's all I can do, right?

But if only I could have one last conversation with him. One last hug. One last time to tell him I love him. Even tho I do every day. I forgot what his voice sounded like.

It was funny, I was at Big Lots before I left for my trip, just looking for a few random things. Down the aisle with all the hair products, they had a bottle of Vitalis. It was the hairspray he used, one of the few things I remember him wearing. He wasn't really a cologne kinda guy. So I took the bottle and opened it and took in a deep breath. And for a moment, I could remember. I was back in my bathroom in the old Park Forest house, with the black and white tiled floor, and the ugly, like, "mirrored" wall paper we had. I remember the bathroom smelling like his hairspray after he'd gotten ready for work. Even then I'd open the bottle and smell, just to feel him near. Nice that I can still do that I guess.

Anyhow. It's almost eleven o clock and I have to get up early tomorrow. Another fun filled day at the zoo. Just had to cry a little. But great, now I'll be all puffy eyed at work tomorrow. Damn it! Haha.

I love you dad. And I will continue on in your memory for the rest of my life. I am a part of you. And that can't be taken from me. I'll always be your little Punk-A-Monk.

I miss you...

End of Week 1

Well...it was a busy week. Tuesday I started at the zoo, and they had a procedure lined up for us off the bat. My fellow RVT student and I were doing surgical monitoring on mangabeys. They're a type of monkey. It was really cool.
Played with elephant poop. Well, I wouldn't say I PLAYED with it. Had to examine it for rocks and other debris that are "No-no's" for elephants. :D
Got to see lots of cool animals. I'm sure you've seen them on my facebook pix. :D

Friday night the roommate Craig and I went to downtown K.C. for something called "First Fridays." Basically, the first friday of every month the town turns into an imprompteau art gallery. Business will hang paintings inside, they had an aerialist act going on, live music, they even turned a section of the street into an outdoor club. It was pretty wicked. So if you're thinking of coming out, pick either the first weekend (with a Friday) in July or August. :D

Saturday I was sick. SICK SICK SICK! It was NOT fun. I literally laid in bed just about ALL day. I was weak. For almost 10 hours my body was revolting against me. But I sure got one helluva abdominal work out. Just not how I would have liked. Haha.

Today was a lazy day. Washed all my bedding. Did other laundry. Swept the house. Cleaned the bathroom (since I was in there a good portion of the day. Haha). Went shopping for food. We're grilling out tonight. So it should be a nice calm Sunday evening.

So far so good with the roommates. They were super nice to me yesterday. I asked Craig if he would bring me gatorade while he was out and he did. Valerie was checking in on me, asking me if i needed her to get anything. She was just really nice, asking if music would bother me, things like that. It was really cute. (Altho Craig did laugh at me when he brought me the gatorade. Thanks Craig, thanks) But so far it's going well. We're talking, hanging out. I'm having fun.

Other than that, not much going on. Call the Vet clinic either tomorrow or tuesday to find out if they have any openings. I really wish I didn't have to work this summer. But with the unemployment case up in the air there's really not much I can do. Funds are running low and I have to do something.

Anyhow. Craig is out running. I may just lay down and take a quick snooze while laundry is drying and he's out. Then it'll be time to start dinner. YUM!

Talk to you guys soon!

Hello from Kansas City!

Hey all. As title says, I'm currently in Kansas City. Haven't yet been here for 24 hours, but we're getting close. :D

So far so good. Got the room all settled. Unpacked everything the first night I was here to just have it all done and out of the way. That way I could take my first day to just wander around the state and get my bearings. Without much help from my garmin. Damn technology!

The drive wasn't TOO bad. It is an extremely LONG and BORING drive if you are alone. I did pretty well. Only stopped 3 times. Once for food, once for gas, then stopped again about an hour away because the car was feeling warm. Nothing with the radiator or anything like that. The temp gauge was still saying cool and all that jazz. She just felt hot. Like where the emergency break and that is. So I stopped, topped off the tank and let the Dragon breathe for a minute.

But yeah, aside from my LONG trip AROUND St. Louis (apparently garmin does not like St. Louis and took me on a long side trip) the drive was uneventful. I had the iPod and did have to car dance to just keep my sanity. :D I'm sure the truckers enjoyed that.

My bed is an air mattress. Fully inflated it's about 22in tall. It's nice. I slept very well. I think in part because I was just so exhausted. Craig was house sitting so he was gone for the night. But Valerie, the other roomie, came in after eleven, and we were up until almost 3am chatting and just getting to know one another. They both seem artistic and have told me this is a good place to be during the summer. Lots of outdoor music and fairs and things. I was laughing, there's a Celtic fest in a few weeks, which includes Scottish Games, like the log tossing and such. So we might check that out. There's Shakespeare in the Park, so that might be fun. :D I just hope I have fun. But it's what you make of it, so I just have to be sure to make it. :D

Today garmin and I had several arguments. I adjusted some settings tho, and so I think she's going to act a little better from now on. Haha. Time will tell!

Went shopping. Found one grocery store. It's weird tho, I know that somethings aren't national. But I was like, "No Jewel? No Ultra?" BUT-they DO have an Aldi! I was like, "HOME!" Haha. But that's not where I went shopping. Haha. Got my typical pasta and corn. Haha. Gonna come home all carbed out. :D But I did do good. I bought some water. Going to try to cut back on the pop. Got some flavor/Crystal Light kinda stuff to put in there. Cuz I'm sorry, I can't have just plain water. Bleck. :P

Drove around the town for awhile. There's a lot here I could get into. THERE'S A SONIC! I'm so happy. Going to be having a cherry lime-aide soon. :D

Hrmm...what else? Took a trip to find the Zoo. It looks so pretty. I'm excited for tomorrow!

OH! I stopped by this clinic that I had emailed back when I found out about getting the internship. The name of it is Mission Med Vet. It's an ER/Referral clinic. And that's it. They don't do any general practice. They don't even have vaccines in the clinic. And they had put a flyer at school that they were looking for a technician. So I had emailed them and expressed an interest/explaining the situation and such. So I stopped by there today to talk to the head tech, Angie. She took me on a tour of the clinic, we chatted. The place is BEAUTIFUL. They have FOUR surgery suites, one strictly for eye stuff, one for the foreign body/intestinal/dirty surgeries, and TWO for orthopedics. Sigh...
They have an endoscope. I was in love. :D It's just phenomenal!

So keep your fingers crossed. I will be calling her back the beginning of next week and she's going to let me know if they have something for me. Gosh, it'd be nice to do that. She asked if I had prior ER experience. And tho I haven't worked in a strictly ER Forest South was at times an ER clinic. I love that rush when an emergency comes in. Everyone acts together as a team to stabilize the patient...ooh it'd be nice. Plus, making money. Haha. Who doesn't need that?

What else? Other than that I'm just kinda chilling. I've been basically by myself today. The roommates have their own stuff going on. Which is cool. I don't expect them to be at my beck and call and such, ya know? Haha. And I'm sure once I start at the Zoo things will get better. Meet more like minded people. I told Loren, maybe I'll befriend the other intern since we're in similar circumstances, ya know? Both from out of the area. We'll see. (Classic Paulaism)

Right now I'm just sitting on my bed. iPod is playing, got my candles going, probably gonna read as soon as I finish this. Got 2 new books. Oooh. Haha.

Anyhow. Just wanted to update for those that check here. I'm sure I'll be posting a lot this summer. It'll be nice to have a record of events, to be able to look back and read and re-live.

I miss you guys already. I know it hasn't been that long. But being me and never really being away from home alone, it's a big change. But as much as I whine about it...I am excited. It's def. a change I needed in my life. :D

So wish me luck guys and gals. Stay tuned, check facebook for pix. Of which I hope to take MANY! :D Until next time, big hug! Love you guys so much and can't wait to see you again.

And hey, if you have time this summer, I'm only an 8hour drive. But I recommend car pooling. It sure is one lonely drive!

Lates!

First post from Spiffy new laptop...

So in less than 2 weeks I will be in Kansas City, starting my internship. I'm excited, but also nervous as hell. It's a big thing. It will be the first time in 29 years I've been completely outside my little protective bubble of friends/family. I know, everyone says I'll be fine. But I'm still nervous. But I know it will be great. This is an awesome experience for me. A "trial run" of what I hope to do with the rest of my life. To find out if it's what I really want to do.

Anyhow. Not much else is new. Boys still suck. And I think it's cuz I keep finding boys and not waiting for a man. Someday. Someday.

Things at home are good. Mom's been trying to make home cooked meals as often as she can to tide me over while I'm gone. It's quite cute. I've also tried and made a super kick ass meatloaf the other night.

Fighting with unemployment. That's been a fun battle. It's just, they're such a conflicting office. IDK. Have a phone interview tomorrow to determine my status and eligibility, but yet they sent me a card and what not. Meh.

Anyhow. I gotta go. Have to run to Joliet to turn in financial aid information. I thankfully got a loan to cover my cost of the summer class. Yes, I have to pay for my unpaid internship. Sigh. Ah well. At least I got the loan so that I don't have to cut into my fund for living in Kansas City. An extra $550! Woot. Haha.

Just wanted to quickly blurb about my life as of late. Nothing really thrilling. Just trying to rest in this little time off that I have.

Anyhow. And I'm off....

What would I say?

For the last year and a half, we've had a tumultuous time, you and I.

Even tho I said I didn't necessarily wait for you...I did.

Why didn't I hug you goodbye tonight? Why? Really? I didn't want to start the conversation at this time, with you being as drunk as you were and in front of friends. But really? Hmmm...where shall one begin?

Let's see. Valentine's Day. After almost a year and a half of not knowing what your deal is, you admit (finally) that yes, you DO have feelings for me. You keep saying "Just don't hurt me, don't hurt me." You ask would I date someone who was unemployed? How far am I willing to travel in regards to dating. And again, you stressed, don't hurt me.

Then, my birthday. Apparently I got rowdy. I don't remember really saying anything. You said I got aggressive. I apologized. You said it was fine.

Then, you drop off the face of the earth. Our last conversation was (via text) you telling me how you weren't feeling well and you prefer to be ignored and just wallow in your own misery. I wished you well and left you alone.

Three weeks go by. THREE WEEKS. NOTHING. No phone calls, no texts, no communication what-so-ever.

Until tonight.

At first, we avoid one another. Then slowly, one may linger in the room where the other is. Finally, words are spoken between one another. Just idle generic chit-chat. Meanwhile, I'm DYING to yell at you, tell you how you hurt me, ask you WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!?!

Did you freak out? Admitting you had feelings for me too much? Was it a test, to see how I'd respond/react to you? Did I fail?

I walked in the room when you were talking to your friend. You and he were engaged in conversation, heads close together. When you see me, you pop up, give me a shit eating grin like, "No...we weren't just talking about you" and just sit there awkwardly. Unable to continue in conversation.

I just don't get you. I really, really don't. Why am I so angry? Because. I waited. Every time I was ready to give you up, throw in the towel, say "This is it. I'm REALLY done..." you'd pull something. Say you wanted to see more of me, hint that maybe you were coming around. Of course you were mostly drunk when saying this...surprise surprise. (Hindsight is always 20/20)

I am just hurt. And angry. I really liked you. I wanted to be there for you, listen to you, support you. I would have been your biggest fan and cheerleader.

But you wouldn't let me in. Too afraid of getting hurt. Well guess what, I was the one who got hurt. Not you. But that's not the point. My pain-nothing. You-walk away unscathed.

It's sad. I saw so much in you. I thought you were going to be different. You were intellectual, you had a wit about you. It was nice to have someone to talk to about books and movies and life in general. With you, I thought it was different. You weren't just after sex. You weren't like the others. You might actually like me.

Ha. Was I wrong.

I'm just really really angry. How can you just disappear after a conversation like we had on Valentine's Day? Sure, I freaked out (or whatever) on my birthday. But rather than talk about it or try to rationalize my actions, you just drop it and run.

And then wonder why I didn't want to hug you goodbye tonight? Did you really have to think about that one? Did you really think that you would have something over me forever? That I'd take it again and again, because, well, I had in the past? A person can only take so much. And I've taken enough. In your own words, "I'm done, son."

I wish you well. I really, really do. You're a likable guy. You may not see it, but you are a decent human being. As long as someone isn't romantically interested in you. Ha.

I hope someday you find someone you're willing to take a risk on. I was going to say I'm sorry it couldn't be me. But I'm not. I don't know if I would have been able to, not make you happy, but be what you need. I'm sure there's someone out there for you. And I know, I can see you'd be a great boyfriend. If they're worth the risk to you. I just hope, in protecting yourself, you don't let someone really great pass you by.

Best wishes my darling. May you one day find happiness, whatever that may be...