What's wrong with me?

So I know I said that I wouldn't sleep with certain people anymore, that I was giving up my booty calls.

And then I sleep with Mr. No Title.

And I keep saying that I'm gonna talk to him, get this shit out and tell him no more. But every time I get there, things seem to go so well. Sigh.

I'm weak. And I don't know what it is about him. I mean, I have ended things with the other "booty calls" and stuck to my guns with them. But why can't I just let Mr. No Title go?

I guess I'm hoping he'll come around. But really, do I want to wait for someone to "come around" or do I want someone who will stand up and say, "Damn it, I want to be with you!"


Maybe it's because I want what I can't have. I don't know what it is, but I wish I could just be stronger.

It's not that I just don't want to be single anymore. Not at all. It's just, I miss the companionship. I miss the things that a relationship gives you. I miss having that "best friend," someone to come home to, someone to just be there for me. And I know my friends are great and awesome, but really guys, you can't give me everything that I need...and I'm not just talking sex. But I'm sure you guys knew that.


It really hit home when my coworker passed. I was just looking for a hug, someone to tell me it was gonna be ok. Instead, I had all these jerks telling me, "I know what will make you feel better." I'll leave out the options they suggested, but I'm sure you can figure it out.

Sigh. I'm sure I'll reach my breaking point with Mr. No Title as I have the others. I just wish, I guess I wish I was worth the risk to him, ya know?

Bah. I'll get shit together eventually. I have given up on looking. Wait to see what comes to me.

One of my friends was telling me I should join EHarmony. I was like, fuck that shit. First, I'm done trolling the internet for men. Been there, done that, look where it's gotten me. Secondly, I'm not paying for that. If I'm gonna pay for it, then get me a real match maker. Haha.

Did I ever tell you my EHarmony story? After Tree Stand and I broke up the second time, I tried EHarmony. They say on all the commercials how they have all these matches and can help you find the right one, blah blah blah. So I'm at Fresh's, when she was living in Park Forest. They had dial up. So I'm online, for what feels like forever. I'm going thru all these questions, checking this, numbering this one thru five or whatever, click here, enter there. Finally they say I'm just ONE CLICK AWAY from meeting my potential matches and blah blah blah. I click.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait. "Tabulating" and "Calculating" and crap.

Finally, the page loads.

"We're sorry. There are currently no matches available for you. But check back tomorrow! New people are joining every day!"

What

The

Fuck?

I thought they had matches for EVERYONE. If EHarmony can't find a match for me, then I KNOW I'm screwed!

It was a dark moment for me...

Haha. Anyhow. I'm gonna get going. Done whining, so to speak. Enjoy. Later!