I'm just stressed. I'm trying to figure out so many different things. I've been busting my ass at work to make money. Like I said, I was denied financial aid, and yes, I'm going to appeal the decision. But until then I still need to figure out how I'm going to pay for my classes, so I'm trying to make sure I'll have money. I still won't have all the money if the cost is close to what the one girl said at the open house or whatever. I'll have about $800 bucks. I did apply for a loan, and am just waiting to hear the decision on that. That's what I did on Friday.
So that's been on my mind. I'm excited to be going back to school. And for the purpose of obtaining a degree. FINALLY! Haha. But I don't really regret waiting. The only thing on my mind now is whether or not I want to get the bachelor's degree. The thing is, if I want to do the 2/2 thing and go straight for the bachelor's after my associates, the closest school is Purdue Lafayette. Otherwise, instead of having a bachelor's and associates in four years, I'd have to go for another 4 years to a different school. I'm not making sense, am I? Well, I have a little time to figure out what i'm going to do with myself...and really, still need all the time I can get for that. Haha.
So in the "love" or lack thereof department...I'm just gonna give up. And I know I've said it before. But I'm just tired. I'm done. I don't know why love is so elusive to me...all I can hope is that one day it'll be like everyone tells me. It'll just hit me when I least expect it and sweep me off my feet. I just hope he's worth the wait, cuz it's been one helluva wait. Sigh. And I hope I don't miss him, know what I mean?
But with Steel Rod...I don't know what happened there. I know he's been working alot..but just...working or not. If you're into someone, you'll make an effort. And just, he was making a half assed effort I felt. I don't know. I mean, I know his job is draining. I think I just fell into old habits. Not necessarily
Haha...funny. I always call it. I told Kim earlier, as soon as I'm about to write someone off...they have this MAGIC way of popping back up. I'm shaking my head right now.
Anyhow. I'm gonna go listen to some Rufus Wainwright and reflect. But wanted to post a new blog stating that I'm ok. Just needed to blow off some steam. :D
But thanks guys...nice knowing you worry about me. Haha.
Until next time...
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2 comments:
you're so funny.
giving up...might be a good idea? esp since you want to focus on school and stuff. right? so, i think it's a good idea.
also, lately i've been thinking about what makes "boys" become "men." and no, this doesn't mean i've been listening to Boys II Men. no. but, i think people grow up when they become aware of the world around them, and the role that they play in it. so, some guy stringing you along just to see if he can, or whatever...why even bother being interested in that? i dunno. i mean, donovan is still a kid in a lot of ways--like buying random things off of ebay when i'm not looking, etc.--but he's also really responsible, and he takes pretty good care of me and bub. if some guy can't manage to get out of his own head for you then he's a waste of time. yeah!
i want to go back to school too. pastry chef school. but i don't know if i can...not unless donovan starts making the big bucks or something. i barely make enough to pay the bills i already have! agh! so, anyway, i'm right there with ya. and it blows. :(
I agree with Teresa, no sense in hanging out with a guy who is stringing you along. I think that's why they keep popping back up when you write them off .... they want to keep stringing you along. Don't let them. If you're looking for love, clearly Steel Rod is not it. He may be fun, but don't waste your time on him - besides, he (and other loser guys) might be distracting you from the one.
I think you should go through and get your bachelors. No sense in turning 2 more years to get your bachelors into 4 more years to get your bachelors. Don't fear change. Change is good. Things don't always go how we planned them. I know my life the past four years certainly isn't want I planned.
Whatever you do, keep your eyes on the prize. Don't let other stuff (loser guys, the easy way out, fear of change) distract you. You owe it to yourself to be all your can be :)
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